I know this is really bad, but if I have to hear anything else about Haiti and sending money to them, I am going to stab myself in the face. I understand that we have to help everyone and their brother, but seriously we can't even help the people in our own country. I'm so sick of the way that our country is run, can I move out of the country yet.

So my birthday was this past Monday and it wasn't all that exciting. I spent the day at work and school but my roommate bought me the coolest shit and at least she and some others didn't forget it. I hate how I got bombarded on facebook though by people I haven't spoken with in who knows how long. Just because we're friends on facebook doesn't mean you need to tell me happy birthday when we aren't anything but cyber friends.

So the boyfriend situation is going well and I'm actually impressed with it. I don't know how this long distance thing is going to continue to work but we'll just continue to take it day by day and see what happens. I'm just trying to look at life in a different way and since Tim broke my heart last year, I've picked myself up and realized a ton of shit over the last year. I have amazing friends and family and the best support system ever so I know that I'll be fine.

I just want this semester to be over with because I'm ready for Christmas break; I don't mind the school aspect of my life but work lately has just been killing me. Nothing I can really talk about, but let's just say I want to quit my job and see what happens. Minus work, I'm happy.

So I only have 8 academic weeks of school left and I honestly don't know where it all went. This semester is flying by and I'm pretty sure I don't have to work Christmas break so I can go home for three weeks and see the boyfriend and the family.

Ugh, but I'm trying to finish this 8-10 page paper on the enigma of play and I'm only at 4 pages. FML,

Today would mark my brother Jim's 32nd birthday yet this is year number seven that he isn't here to celebrate with his friend's and family. Last year on this day, Tim bought me cupcakes and we ate them while saying Happy Birthday to him. This year I spent the day in class and at work just thinking about him and not sharing the day with anyone. I miss him ever day and every day I still wish I could go back in time and it would be my life that was being taken and not his; I swear he had so much more to live for than me.

Jim, you will never be forgotten and I will always think of you on your special day.

Happy Birthday big bro!
9/1/77 -- 12/5/01

I'm about to quit my job.

I am still super stressed out but I couldn't be happier at the moment. I'm pretty much done with my summer classes because on Monday I just have to turn some stuff in and that's it. Than I get the rest of August away from school (I start classes Aug. 31) and I only have to work but I have a lot planned for August.

I think there's a boyfriend going to be entering my life in August, along with another MIS trip, a concert and a weekend with my second family of dogs. So other than work going to be busy these next few weeks I am sure that I will be happy. Plus I have the greatest roommate ever.

<3

So my mom lost her job and I'm still in A-Dale and I don't know what we're going to do now.
I need more people in my life; wait no I don't because they all hurt me anyway.

Ugh I have to write a 2,000 word reflection piece on creativity ... any ideas?

So I’m hanging out in my living room alone and I’m thinking about a ton of crap. I feel like lately nothing is going right for me and that I’m watching my life fall apart right in front of my eyes. I feel like I’m back on this shitty stupid rollercoaster and that I can’t get off it. I am not sure why I have all of these feelings anymore; maybe it’s because I’m all alone, but maybe it’s just because I’m almost twenty-three years old and I feel like things should be more into place.

How is it that Kristin can find a boyfriend and I can’t? I’m like seriously :[ that’s so depressing when even she can and I can’t. I’m like what the fuck is wrong with me? It doesn’t help that I’ve been thinking about Tim a lot either. At this time last year I felt like everything was going right; I had this amazing boyfriend who treated me the way I deserved to be treated and was always around, even when I needed him. Now I’m sitting in my new apartment at school all alone because my roommates are gone and my “friends” aren’t around. I’m like what the fuck how come I get stuck being so alone without any friends. Ugh my life sucks.

I’m like I’m supposed to have these friends and this perfect life but nothing is going right for me. I’m like wow I still have two years of school left and I have no boyfriend and I spend way too much time alone. I am not playing softball and I’m just like ugh this fucking sucks. Sometimes I wish Christine was still in Allendale with me because than I would have someone to hang out with. Scott wanted to hang out and I said that I wasn’t doing anything and yet I still haven’t heard from him and he got out of class at 3 PM. I guess I’ll spend another night alone hanging out by myself. At least in Warren I have some friends and family that I can go and see. Only one more day in Allendale and then I’m home for a few weeks and a trip to Florida.

Maybe when classes start at the end of June I won’t be so lonely since I’ll be busy with work and school and everything. Is it time for MIS yet or anything? Only one more month and then I’ll be off at the speedway with  my favorites and watching my boy kick butt and all that good stuff. Oh how I have no more summers left anymore. Two more years and then maybe I can move out of Michigan and start my life over. Maybe that will help me forget some of this pain that I’ve been feeling lately.

I miss my brother :[

In one day Christine and I did so much fun stuff.
Minus our four trips to Meijer and our shitty waitress at Grand Coney.

( Once upon a time ... )